Timbaland and I write a song to tell J to back off.

While we're still playing catch-up, let's go back to Thursday real quick.

J had asked me to hang out with him Thursday night but I didn't feel like it so... I told him no. And then, because my name is Maria, he showed up at An Tua Nua. FANtastic.

J: You didn't expect to see me here did you?
Maria: Oh! No... I'm just here having a beer with my friends. I'm not staying long.
J: Cool. So. That movie we saw the other night...

At this point I stealthily escaped by gliding toward some people I recognized. He hovered a little and eventually I moved away completely.

I may have forgotten to mention that J is over 6 feet tall so he's a little hard to miss. All my friends, naturally, thought his presence was hilarious because they love seeing me suffer.

Later that night, I noticed him standing in a near-by corner. Watching me. I was talking to a guy. J was staring. Just standing there staring. I don't know where his friends were. I don't know what he thought was going to happen. But I alerted my friends who, apparently, had already noticed.

By now, the Red Sox (I'm sorry I have to mention it...) had come back from their 7 point loss so everyone was anxiously watching the game. J stood three feet behind me as Tara offered to pretend to be my lesbian lover and Sebastian made fun of him and made fun of me for being associated with him. Unfortunately, it was too late for the I'm-with-my-roommate defense.

The Red Sox won, Drop Kick Murphys roared in the background and I jumped around with Ali. Even Erin got into it. Noelle and Christina, however, were angry and continued shouting, "Tampa, Tampa."

J walked over and went in for a celebration hug. I relocated. J came back.

J: So much for that one beer, huh?
Maria: ... this is still my first, actually.
J: So, do you ever want to hang out again? Because I'd like to see you again but it doesn't seem like you want that too...
Maria:.... I mean... I don't know what to say. I'm just here having a beer with my friends...
J: Well, would you want to hang out next week?
Maria: Seriously I can't plan in advance. I have a bunch of projects and a ton of homework and I can't tell you for sure when we're meeting or what I'll be doing....

This fizzled out eventually.

Ok look. I'm not an asshole. Everything I said was true. I have group projects and a lot of homework. I have a full course load and work three days a week. My free time is precious.

If he had a personality that didn't resemble a TV screen I would be more than willing to hang out with him. But if he's just going to follow me around all night and talk about the same dumb movie we saw over a week ago.... I don't have time for that.

MORE OVER. He actually introduced himself to my friends. Can you believe that shit? If I want you to meet my friends, I will introduce you to my friends. DO NOT waltz over and start asking who is my roommate and introducing yourself. Your presence is noticed. People can see your head poking out of the crowd glaring and shooting the death glare while I joke around with my guy friends.

My mom said I should give him a chance, that he's just shy. I think two dates is enough chance to give. If I leave both dates trying to justify spending more time with him, that's a bad thing.

Strike One: Asking me to see Beverley Hills Chihuahua
Strike Two: Trying to corner me to achieve a good night kiss
Strike Three: Following me around a bar and introducing yourself to my friends.


So Timbaland and I wrote this song to express my feelings toward J. I have provided a video with the words. Feel free to play on repeat and sing along.