Conversation #3

Mom and dad get into bed and under the covers.

Mom: It's freezing in here. (wiggles over to dad.)
Dad: What is are those, ice cubes? It's like a block of ice down there!
Mom: I just wanted you to know I'm cold!
Dad: I don't need to know that! What are those, popsicles? Get those things away from me!

[Thirty seconds elapse.]

Mom: I don’t think I’ll be able to go to the bathroom tonight. I’m going to fall and break my neck.
Dad: I got an idea. Crawl. Then you won’t get hurt.

[Ten seconds elapse.]

Dad: Get those feet away from me! Go sleep with your daughter.

Conversation #2

Dad: (Standing at end of bed. Arms on hips.) Are you sleeping on that side?
Mom: No.
Dad: Then why are you sitting there?
Mom: What's wrong with you?!
Dad: I'm tired and I want to go to bed!
Mom: Talk nice to me!
Dad: ... Please go to your side of the bed, Poopsie.

Conversation #1

I'm in Elkart, Indiana in a hotel room with my parents for the weekend. Nuff said.
.............................

Maria: (In bathroom. Looks at ceiling.) Dad? What's that red thing for? Look! There's a button!
Dad: (Flossing) Turn the button a little.
Maria: (Turns the button. A red light switches on.) WHAT?! What's that for?!
Dad: (Looks in bathroom. Floss lodged between molars.) COOKING FRENCH FRIES! (lets out a stream of short hisses like a balloon slowly deflating.)

For everything else, there's Mastercard.