Showing posts with label lists. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lists. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Texts that...


... give advice and encouragement -

MEESH 7/8: Yay! Get rid of that pollution girl.

JESS V 8/8: Girl you should try to casually bump into his big muscles and tell him that they got in your way :)


... are life -

JESS R 7/7: I hope in return you ordered a No-Chance-In-Hell martini.

ALI 7/17: So I changed [redacted]'s name in my phone to "heinous bitch" and every time I see it it makes me giggle like a little school girl.

ANONYMOUS 7/26: This... for once... this late... is not a creepy sext message.

JOE 7/27: On the way, Rampage.

ALI 8/2: Rachel is drinking beer through a Twizzler.

ALEX 8/9: Dan Marino, your boyfriend from the Tap, asked for you.


... predict the future -

NOHN 8/7: New future slash blog: Noelle and Maria v. Food

ERIN 8/10: We're moving to the village. At transgender bingo right now.

ANONYMOUS 8/11: It's destiny, Maria. Maybe not anytime soon. But we're going to get married.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Maria Goes to Long Island




Mrs. D flew me down last Thursday as a surprise to Erin and in turn I was surprised by the lack of guido and orange skin as Erin introduced me to Long Island.

Things I loved about Long Island:

1) Erin and her seriously fantastic family (yes, even the dog, who trapped me in a room Day One but was eating hot dogs from my plate by Sunday.)
2) Erin's crazy/hilarious/super fun friends and their fire pits and weird cars with animal noises.
3) The wheel at Billy's Bar. So exciting!
4) The water. And rocks. And shells. If I lived on Long Island I'd be down by the water every day. There were awesome lifeguard lookout towers that I refused to jump off even though they were three feet from the ground. Noelle threw rocks at me in a failed attempt to persuade me to jump. I would need to build up some courage.


5) Crazy people. Like this guy with a metal detector.



After exploring Long Island on Friday, Erin's family brought me into the city Saturday. Some switch flipped the second we started driving into the city. Attacked by the impulse to explore for hours, I annoyed my family and friends with texts declaring my wishes to move to the city right then and there.

We went into the Hershey and M&M stores where Erin and I played with giant chocolate bars and her sisters joined us in the mood detector to determine our M&M color. (Mine was Almond Mix or something. Apparently I like excitement and adventure. So true, M&M mood detector!) The machine was acting up all day; it offended Jill by telling her she is not a person who "does many things well," declared Sarah dark chocolate mix and Erin dark pink. Bizarre.



We headed toward Carmine's next. A legend in my mind, I was excited to experience what Noelle and Erin spent hours salivating over. Mr. D went in to get us a table and to everyone's surprise there was no line. He brought us in through the special door and we took our seat on the second floor. I will be dreaming about those zucchini sticks/fries/straws/pieces-of-heaven for YEARS.

After Carmine's, we walked around Times Square where we reunited with Mark.



The weather was perfect on Saturday. We walked to Central Park where we climbed a rock formation and people-watched. A ten-year-old boy hit on Erin with the sweetest pick-up line ever: Wanna climb with me? She turned him down. It was as good a time as any for him to learn about disappointment. He slid down the formation and walked off with his mom.

We experienced many strange and wonderful things walking through Central Park. A bride, a man (with a small dog) that looked like a pedophile, a man tanning in very tiny shorts, a large group of people roller skating in various outfits including (but not limited to) furry pink pants and cut-off shirts with fringe, a woman on a unicyle dancing with a man on roller skates, two Aztek-ish warring violinists in thongs, a woman making a stuffed chicken dance on her lap, and much much more.

I need to move to NYC.

Dessert was necessary after our long day. We indulged in cheesecake and chocolate cakes before seeing the hilarious off-broadway play, Altar Boyz. Is it strange that I want to download the soundtrack? We had a perfect view; our seats were four rows from the front. Erin and I were relieved to hear this showing did not involve audience participation.

We drove through the brightly lit city and I resisted the urge to jump out of the car and peek in all the restaurants and bars and apartments. I drilled Erin and her parents about life in the city, imagining myself living there.

This whole being out of college thing is kind of exciting when you realize that you can literally go anywhere. As long as there's money. And benefits. And housing. I'll save my list of living requirements for another time.

Sunday was barbeque day. Erin and Jill had a joint party for graduation and Sweet [s]Ixteen respectively. Mrs. D and the girls prepared me for the invited company as Mr. D and Sarah prepared the outdoor games and fire and the rest of us helped assemble the mounds and mounds of food Mrs. D bought.

The food was delicious (and plentiful) and the company was great. I even found a new boyfriend. James is 10. He thinks I'm 15. He's a little fresh but he's a great kickball player and super clever (he dubbed Noelle "No-LOL" without hesitation.) Sarah was the Smore master. Noelle, Erin and I ended the party around Mr. D's expertly crafted fire and then laughed in the kitchen for hours with Erin's friends.

Monday afternoon the family drove me to the airport. I'm thankful to have had the opportunity to get to know them. The trip gave me hope that even though college is over, friendships really will last forever. There's no way Erin's getting rid of me now! MUAHAHAHA.

Flying out of the city I admired the faint flicker of advertisements from Times Square imagining myself wandering amidst the skyscrapers. After a moment, clouds poured over my window leaving only my imagination to construct variations of my future.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

How to avoid a mental breakdown during stressful holiday travel:


  1. BE EARLY. Pack the night before so you have one less thing to worry about the day of travel. Get to the gate earlier than usual.
  2. BE PREPARED. Pack light. Don't break the weight limit. Assemble a small emergency kit in case you get stuck in Cincinnati overnight with no contact solution, brush or change of clothes.
  3. PACK RELAXING. Don't forget that little something that reminds you that it's not the end of the world. For me, that's my iPod. For Steve, that's a book about Wireless Security.
  4. BRING A BUDDY. If possible, this will save your sanity and make the trip enjoyable. Steve and I have thoroughly enjoyed people watching and making fun of the weirdos we've been trapped with. You really learn a lot about strangers when you're with them in a small space for 6.5 hours.
  5. MAKE FRIENDS. Everyone is trapped and cranky, just like you. Be friendly. Meet some new people. Commiserate. It will help pass time and you may realize that the complete stranger sitting next to you in the airport is not only cute and on the crew team at his college but also good friends with one of the 50 kids you went to high school with.
  6. DON'T PANIC. You're going to hit some speed bumps in your holiday travels. Some may resemble a small but annoying tree branch like when the entire handle of Steve's suitcase ripped out while he was dragging it through 6 inches of snow and a blizzard. Other obstacles may resemble a deer speeding toward your windshield, like when all flights to Logan were being diverted to Providence or when we discovered we were two of over ten people trying to fly standby to Detroit and ended up stuck here in Cincinnati overnight instead. Panicking will not solve anything. Shrug it off. You will get home eventually.
  7. BE PATIENT. Understand that everyone is extremely stressed out. Everyone hates the situation. Are screaming babies bringing out those voices inside your head tempting you to punt the baby down the aisle? Ignore them! Turn up your iPod, keep your feet on the ground and wait for the parents to control that demon child.
  8. BE NICE. The airport attendants are dealing with hundreds of people just as upset and frustrated as you are. Smile and be polite when asking them why the hell you're still sitting in Logan Airport when you should have already made your connection, driven home and cracked a beer by now.
  9. ASSESS YOUR OPTIONS. They're out there. Usually the airline will do what they can to help you. Delta has been great despite the situation. There's always another way to achieve your goal. Just take a deep breath and find it.
  10. TAKE ADVANTAGE. I am in a comfy hotel with a confirmed flight (albeit not to my desired destination... there will be ground transportation bringing us the remaining three hours) and a food voucher for breakfast. Thank you, Delta.
Good luck out there, people. It's a rough one this year.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The Last 24 Hours





Things I've done:

  • Become obsessed with Manhunters
  • Given a presentation on the protests in Greece
  • Taken a final exam
  • Reintroduced the "Maria's excited bark" after seeing snow on the ground
  • Made my Christmas list (it's in your inboxes, mom and dad)
  • Had a dance party to Safety Dance with Ali


Conversations I've had:

Maria: Oh! You know that swimmer Michael Phelps? He's shooting a commercial right next to my apartment.
Yai: Why aren't you talking to him!
Maria: I can't just talk to him. There are security guards and police everywhere.
Yai: You go. You tell them your Yia-yia is 90 years old and wants an autograph.
Maria: Yai... you're not 90.
Yai: Lie.


[Via e-mail]
Dad: Please remember to bring the gift certificate when you come home.
Maria: It's already in my wallet beeyotch.
Dad: That is improper spelling.


Maria: EEEEPPP.
Ali: You make weird noises.



Countdown to Freedom: Maria’s Checklist

12/9: Theories and Processes of Communication final paper presentation

12/11: Theories and Processes of Communication final paper due

12/12: Office party (woo)

12/13: Secret Santa with 426

12/15: Cultural Anthropology final paper due

12/16: Conflict Res and Negotiation presentation

12/16: Conflict Res and Negotiation final exam

12/18: Cultural Anthropology final exam

12/19: Theories and Processes of Communication final exam

12/20: FLY HOME

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Deadline means if you don't turn it in that day, YOU'RE DEAD!



...wait a sec. What? Damn you finals!


Take a break! Finals Funny:

The best insult is at the end.






Countdown to Freedom: Maria's Checklist

12/9: Theories and Processes of Communication final paper presentation

12/11: Theories and Processes of Communication final paper due
12/12: Office party (WOO)

12/13: Secret Santa with 426

12/15: Cultural Anthropology final paper due

12/16: Conflict Res and Negotiation final exam

12/18: Cultural Anthropology final exam

12/19: Theories and Processes of Communication final exam

12/20: FLY HOME

Monday, October 27, 2008

If you want to attract guys, rub McDonalds all over you. Or just carry a bag...



Fanueil Hall is by far my favorite weekend destination. I haven't had a single bad experience in that area, so far.


Friday night
, Erin, Meesh and I went to the Green Dragon. It was my first time there. The bouncers were fun, younger guys who called us over to go inside.


Initial reasons this bar was a great choice...


...#1 No line
...#2 Cute and hilarious bouncers

...#3 Awesome bartender


Soon after ordering our beers, the band returned from a break and started playing covers. The
Lisa Love Experience was the first female-fronted cover band I've seen so far. She was kick ass. She belted out those tunes with a spunky attitude and crazy dance moves.

Meesh, Erin and I boogeyed and mad
e new friends including some Long Islanders and some Irish, who have apparently invaded Boston. People were dancing so intensely that the floor was shaking and we thought it might fall through. Here's a little video of the band singing a song that reminded us of Noelle.

Eye Spy:


  1. A crazy Irish man posing for a picture, completely unaware he was on video
  2. The annoying Long Islander who kept following us around
  3. The singer (who is not named Lisa) pointing at me while belting it out
  4. The psychotic, drunk groupie who kept trying to stroke and leap onto the guitarist


Sweet cover band at the Green Dragon. from Maria F on Vimeo.



The night ended and we headed to McDonalds to get in on some Walk-Thru Window action. Little did we know....


Erin ordering:






Meesh ravaging her burger:






If you are looking for ways to meet men, walk around with a McDonalds bag in hand. We were approached by literally every guy on t
he street. Everyone wanted a fry. Some really went over-board. We were trying to hail a cab and some 30-somethings came over begging for food and talking to us. One reached in Michelle's bag for a fry and instead pulled out her entire burger. We all started screaming as he devoured over a quarter of the sandwich in one bite. He ran away, mouth full, as I screamed I'd stab him with my heel.

We decided to relocate because no cabs were stopping. Two guys were walking up the Government Center stairs behind us, asking for fries.


Us
: Go away.

Guy: Can I have a fry?
Us: No. We are never getting McDonalds again.
Guy
: Come on! Where are you guys going, anyways? Where's the party?

Me
: I'm not sure... my dad's coming to pick us up right now.


WELL! That is the best defense mechanism ever because he scattered faster than Chris running from dogs.



THEME OF THE YEAR #37:
Compiling good lines to make guys go away.
  1. My dad's picking me up.
  2. No thank you, sir. (Noelle)
  3. Why don't you give ME your number and then maybe I'll call later. (Tara)
  4. Keep moving! (Erin)
  5. Surprise transvestite costume (Katie)


Saturday was even more eventful so I'll write about it later.


Sleep tight, kids.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Now that we've read the pants book...

So I've managed to add new burns to my body. The other night while cooking spaghetti, I spilled boiling water over my left hand and now I have a strange mark across my wrist.

Other than that, the start of the year has been successful. I've had three classes. The fourth will start Monday. I've explored several new bars around Boston. I've settled in and seen many (but not all) of the people I want to see.

Apparently some think I'm a freshman. That hurts. One thirteen year old called me "seasoned." I wasn't sure whether to feel like a rotisserie chicken or an old lady so I just smacked her.

Here are some highlights from my first week of classes:

INTRO TO CULTURAL ANTHROPOLOGY:
  • Can you wave to a chimp and say, "I need a sample?" No. You need to watch where they piss and take it.
  • People who try to open beer bottles with their front teeth might breed a new kind of evolved teeth. Or they may lose their teeth and never breed at all.
  • The truth is too valuable to be given freely.
  • We expand your brain. And it hurts sometimes.
  • [Theme of the Year # 3] Make the strange familiar. Consider there's another way.
ORGANIZATIONAL STRUCTURE & BEHAVIOR:
  • Plagiarism... It's a no-no.
THEORY AND PROCESS OF COMMUNICATION:
  • You may now use your cell phones to insert my phone number. And office number. And e-mail address.
  • If you have a family tragedy or break up with your boyfriend, I don't care and will not treat you like the other students.

Can't wait to see what happens next week.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Wrapping up the summer. Part Two.

Like usual, I'm wide awake less than 30 minutes before scheduled wake-up time. Dad and I are driving to Massachusetts in exactly 1 hour and 23 minutes. I am all packed, which is extremely rare given the unfortunate fact that my attention span never developed to that of a normal, full-functioning adult.

This summer. FLEW. by. I can't even believe it.

Life was not even close to the trauma I feared a couple months ago. Obviously. My stupid mind always expects the worst.

This summer was pretty awesome. I had a couple epiphanies and several reassurances and reminders such as:

  • I love people. New people. Different people. All people. (.. ok most people.)
  • I love new places.
  • I love coffee. Medium. A little Half and Half. Two sugars. Small is too small. Large is just too large. Free trade coffee tastes like flowers.
  • My humor sometimes takes adjusting to. I don't really have an arm disease or arm problem or tragic childhood story about my arm as some people may still believe...
  • I'm glad I listened to my mother and didn't pursue photojournalism as a career. PR is the right place for me. Funny how the old folks knew first.
  • I'm glad I listened to my dad's career and living-independently advice. It works flawlessly.
  • Not all companies make interns do dumb things. I'm thankful everyone was eager to teach and show and my bosses were super.
  • I'm thankful for all the advice and guidance I received over the past months.
  • I'm thankful my roommates were awesome. You guys better come to Boston. I'm serious.
  • I wish I had another month of summer.
  • Nichole and Damian are the best coffee buddies ever and I owe both of them more than I could fit in a bullet point.
  • I suck at goodbyes and would rather just duck out without a word because it's easier.
I'm not even going to talk about how I'm facing my senior, AKA final, year at BU. I'll save the angsty, end-of-the-world musings for late at night with the Boston roommates. MUAHAH. Just kidding guys.

Anyways there's no need for that because my family goodbye dinner at P.F. Changs yielded more than just an inflated stomach.

(Let's pretend half the restaurant didn't get this one as well.)

Let the fortune cookie speak for itself.


Bide your time, for success is near.

Wrapping up the summer. Part One.

This summer was the first time I'd been to Ann Arbor. It was a lot of firsts for me. This summer was my first:
  • ...time living on another campus. University of Michigan is sooo different than BU. I didn't even see it during the school year, which makes me want to come back for a football game. Apparently it's all the rage here. I wouldn't know. We don't have a football team. I've never tailgated. Moving on.
  • Gerald.
  • ... time drinking outdoors without fearing jail time.
  • internship.
  • Happy Hour. Woooo!
  • 9-5.
  • ... time playing Cornhole. AKA throwing bags of beans (or something) at wooden boards with little holes.
  • ... time playing toss-the-frisbee-at-a-tiki-torch-and-knock-off-the-bottle. Basically instead of a wick, the top of the torch is duct taped and an empty beer bottle is placed on top. The goal is to hit the torch with the frisbee and knock the bottle off so fast the other team can't catch it. Instead, I played try-not-to-take-out-an-elderly-stranger (aka the hosts father.) It's dangerous.
  • ... time I've had to cook for myself or starve. It turned out pretty well. The good news is I'm not sick of spaghetti even though I ate it almost every night.
  • being addicted to coffee.
  • actually liking a dog. And having a dog like me.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Maria's Hooray List!

Hooray! Another movie based on a book by one of my favorite authors, Chuck Palahniuk. It's been a while since Fight Club. Can't wait to see how Choke does. In select theaters September 26. (Dad Disapproval Factor: 93% He may enjoy the song in the trailer but he will have no interest in the movie and he will scoff at the content.)




Hooray! Leisha Hailey, AKA Alice Pieszecki, from the L Word is in a band. Or girl group. Or something like that. Leisha sings and does synth and bass for Uh Huh Her. I haven't listened more than a couple seconds on MySpace but so far they sound like they could be on the L Word soundtrack. In fact they might be. I don't know. (Dad Disapproval Factor: 73% He may give these ladies a chance, but he's not really one to blast indie electro pop while mowing the lawn.)





Hooray! I have cinnamon buns in the oven. That is not a metaphor. (Dad Disapproval Factor: 3% He may not like the joke but will forget about it after two delicious buns.)

Monday, August 4, 2008

I'm an intern but don't have to get people coffee. This is the life.

It's Monday. Which means our coffee run was to Primo's. It also means that, despite a possible hangover, Nichole harassed me the entire 4 minute walk there, 9 minutes spent retrieving three unique orders of coffee and 4 minutes back to the office.

Nichole: You should get that cinnamon bun.
Maria: (peers into glass case to find one-month old cinnamon bun with old, gooey, wrinkly, discolored raisins sprinkled over top) Eew. Those raisins scare me.
Nichole: You need to improve your social skills.

It's ok. She gave up sugar (for a good cause.) Now she gets her kicks watching me indulge in sugary goodness.

.....

Here is a pictoral layout of our weekly coffee rout
e, in case you wanted to stalk me.

PRIMO'S- I always have issues with this place. The guy that works there likes to make fun of me and tell me I look "out of it" and that he wishes me good luck outside in the big bad world. Today the girl mumbled. I couldn't hear anything and ended up with Free Trade coffee that tasted like flowers. I'll be leaving Nichole my punch card as a parting gift.



SWEETWATERS, Tuesdays and Thursdays- Love this place. My goal of the summer was to be able to assertively nod at the cashier and be given m y coffee without saying a word, a la Nichole and Damian. I don't foresee that happening in the next two weeks.




ESPRESSO ROYALE, Wednesdays- Two dollar lattes every Wednesday. Not quite as loud as the one in Boston. This is the site of my first large coffee ever.





STARBUCKS, randomly- Sometimes we go here when Nichole wants a muffin or we are feeling brave enough to try the new Vivianno which we have a coupon for so don't feel bad tossing it after a sip because it tastes like crap.


Saturday, August 2, 2008

It's not me. It's you.

I'm copying you again, Maxie.

5 someecards that fit me perfectly even though I didn't look at them all because there are too many:





... It happens.





...Well I'm not.




...My brothers want to develop a required screening test.




...Because sometimes I just don't feel like talking.




... Mmm. Meat.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Things I've Learned At My Internship:

  1. Sniffing their baby's farts makes moms happy.
  2. Old people are having more sex and getting more STDs.
  3. Wal Mart's new logo looks the same as a drawing Kurt Vonnegut made of his asshole.
  4. Anderson Cooper is younger than Denzel Washington and started prematurely graying at 20.
  5. Captain Kirk was the only person to pass the Kobayashi Maru; though there's debate as to his methods, it's commonly believed he used his charm to have a woman reprogram the Kobayashi Maru to allow success.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Essential Driving Music: This is the jam.

My internship requires hours of blog surfing. I'm not kidding. Today I stumbled upon an interesting prompt; a reader asked one blogger, "If you had to choose 10 CDs to take on a cross country road trip what would you choose?"

Well. I love music. And I love road trips! Therefore this is a fantastic question.

I'm no stranger to long car trips. I make at least two a year (Boston to Michigan/wherever my parents live.) I also inherited my dad's passion for music so the two of us always travel with carefully crafted road trip CDs.

I'll answer this prompt in two parts: 10 CDs + 1 sample car playlist. Test some of the songs/videos. Tell me what you think.

10 CDS I WOULD TAKE ROAD TRIPPING:

  1. Creedence Clearwater, Chronicle: Creedence is perfect travel music. In fact, Creedence is perfect any time music. Songs like Run Through The Jungle and Green River mirror the adventurous atmosphere inevitably accompanying road trips. Chronicle provides a healthy balance of songs you love to sing and songs you listen to as you silently stare at the sunset contemplating the life of a nomad. My only complaint is the absence of Good Golly Miss Molly. But that song alone wouldn't warrant bringing Chronicle Volume Two. I'll just listen when I get home.
  2. Streetlight Manifesto, Everything Goes Numb: Every fast-paced song tells a story for you to scream along to. Each is exciting and addicting. Sing along, lose your breath and journey on.
  3. RX Bandits, ... And the Battle Begun: This CD is simply epipc. It took longer than expected to grow on me but I would never travel without it. I could listen to this CD on repeat for weeks without getting sick of it. The anticipation and excitement felt when some of these songs being is essential when on a long road trip.
  4. Kings of Leon, Aha Shake Heartbreak: Fantastic CD. Fantastic band. Wrote enough earlier.
  5. Celebration, Celebration: This was my best at-a-concert discovery. I've seen them open for two bands in Boston and found their CD at a secondhand shop after seeing them. Celebration is on every Worcester playlist I make. I get lost in her songs. My favorite is Tonight. Of course I couldn't find it. So here's New Skin.
  6. Blood Brothers, Burn Piano Island Burn: Perfect if traveling alone or with Joe (or someone else who would tolerate it.) Would not play this with mom or dad in the car for fear of inducing heart attacks. When alone, I often scream along with the singer's high pitched yells. Ideally I'd combine my favorite songs of theirs to make one perfect CD. (I have already created one such playlist.)
  7. Common, Finding Forever: To lighten things up a little. Something to sooth my throat and get me swaying instead of thrashing around.
  8. Outkast, Stankonia: Because I'd need something a little darker. Spaghetti Junction is one of my favorites on this one.
  9. Pearl Jam, Greatest Hits: A throwback. At this point I will just want to sing to something a little more standard.
  10. Ministry of Sound, Clubbers Guide Summer 2006: Go on. Judge me. But after hours of driving this long, you too would require a good dose of clubbing music. Blast this, break the speed limit, put on cruise control and take out the glow sticks.

15 SONGS FREQUENTLY PLAYING WHEN I DRIVE*:








*These are only some of my favorite driving songs. Playlist.com was missing essentials by ACDC, Rush, Johnny Winter and more.

As you can see, I have a problem.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Things I am craving right now:

  1. Candy. Preferably those sugary peach things or fruity Sour Patch Kids.
  2. Coca Cola.
  3. A leg of fried chicken.
  4. A pool and an evening swim.
  5. A wide-brimmed, black hat.
  6. Boston.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Recovered: Misread Artifacts Another Realm


June 13th behind dozing eyes:


Green moon. Kill yourself.
...
The house rock bullshit.
...
Nothing because my contacts are fuzzy.
...