An Important Message to Bikers Everywhere

Dear People-Who-Ride-Bikes,

I applaud you. Great job. You're saving the environment, your pant size AND the hassle of riding the T or whatever other useless form of public transportation that pertains to your city.

I CONDEMN YOU! Who do you think you are? You can't just fly through sidewalks and streets at your leisure. You do not own the road and more importantly you do not own the sidewalks. Stop trying to intimidate pedestrians just because you don't stand a chance in hell against the giant SUV trying to drive as close as possible without hitting your back tire. Your stupid bell and basket do not scare me.

I have news for you people.

YOU ARE NOT PEDESTRIANS. So when you see a red light stopping four lanes of vehicular traffic, that means STOP asshole! Not pedal faster and ram into Maria's side as she innocently walks down Comm Ave trying to further her education and become a better human being.

How dare you! You know what, if you've lost control and you're about to hit a human being the least you could do is shout a warning. If you grunt five feet from me, I'm going to think you're either constipated or really off key with whatever stupid hippy music that's blaring in your earbuds.

Stop grunting at me. Stop driving into me. Stop thinking you're a person. Bikers are not people. Turn off the iPod and follow the damn traffic lights or I will throw one of the large sticks I now carry on my walk to class into your bike spokes and laugh as you tumble into the pavement.

Yours Truly,

Maria