Denim vests destroy lives.

Strange things happen at the Rainforest Cafe. This is not a dream. These are actual events that actually occurred about six hours ago at a Rainforest Cafe in Michigan.

My mom, brother and I went for some dinner after Joe's wrestling practice ended. We were seated right next to the elephants and across from a colorful fish tank. The dim lighting, apparently meant to help perpetuate the jungle theme, made the menu and other diners difficult to see. Two men, a woman and a little girl were sitting at a table diagonal from ours. The girl had balloons tied to the back of her chair. I noticed that the girl had a long blonde wig on, which was a little strange to me so I made some joke about how the three people were probably kidnapping her and the balloons were there to keep her quiet. Later, the woman and girl left their table for the bathroom, which was right behind our table. Fifteen minutes later I realized they still hadn't returned.

Me: They're for sure kidnapping that girl. They're still in the bathroom.
Mom: Go check it out then.

I pushed my chair back, scanned the premises and stealthily headed toward the bathroom. As I opened the door and walked in the bathroom, I found the girl and woman standing at the sink. They looked up at me and walked out of the bathroom. I couldn't tell what they had been doing before I entered. I thought about following them just to make sure but it's been a long day and my detective skills aren't up to par. I should be on neighborhood watch or something.

Thankfully, Noelle and I have thought ahead and taken situations such as kidnappings into careful considerations therefore determining a discreet code word to indicate when and if one of us is ever in a bad position. I can't tell you what that word is but I suggest making one up yourself. You never know when you will get trapped in a parking garage with a lunatic holding a phone to your ear forcing you to tell your sister, your only chance to be saved ever, that you're ok. Thank you P2. Something good actually came out of that movie.

After witnessing and investigating a possible kidnapping, three large, mafia-looking men were seated at the table directly next to ours. I made a comment about how they probably just threw a bunch of people into the lake and my mom told me they were gay, not in the mafia. I guess the denim vests and matching jeans should have tipped me off. Our young, male waiter approached their table and the oldest man (we'll call him Sergio) asked about a mug with flashing lights that was attached to the waiter's belt.

Sergio: What's the deal with that flashing mug?
Waiter: You can purchase them for $5 dollars and then we'll put your drink in it and you can take it home with you after dinner.
Sergio: Five bucks huh? Do you come with that?
Waiter:... No... sorry.

The waiter walked away and tried to avoid the table next to us as much as possible. I laughed uncontrollably until my mom hit my arm and gave me her Greek death-glare. Never a dull meal at the Rainforest Cafe.