Fenk you very much...

I usually hate awards shows. The Golden Globes. The Emmys. It's all a bunch of nonsense. Really, they're just bad excuses for everyone try to one-up each other by wearing something disgusting or gaudy that will get them in the headlines.

There's a special place in my heart for the Grammys, though. I love the live performances and the snide remarks people (Usher) spit out after too many drinks. I'm not sure who Miley Cyrus is but she is clearly terrified of Cyndi Lauper, who looked like she just walked off the set of Hocus Pocus. The best performance of the evening was clearly Tina Turner and Beyonce doing Proud Mary. Tina Turner is the shit. Nearing 70 and she still strutted out there in a skin tight, silver, spandex outfit belting out those lyrics like she was 20. There's more life in that woman than Amy Winehouse, who hardly realized she was performing let alone that she'd won record of the year. I would love to know what passed her septum before her performance. She truly is an icon of our time, though. Noelle and I were on the edge of our seats watching Winehouse hug her band, betting on when her gigantic hair-piece would go tumbling to the floor.

Me: Someone's going to knock that piece right off her head and I'm going to laugh hysterically.
Noelle: I bet she's hiding bags of cocaine under there.

Her acceptance speech will live on in our hearts. Especially her touching shout-out to her "Blake, incarcerated."

I need to go practice my dance routine to Proud Mary now. Halloween 2009: Maria and Noelle as Tina and Beyonce. Silver and all.







PROUD MARY

AMY WINEHOUSE