Technology is dangerous in the hands of our elders.

Alright so it hasn't been nearly as bad as I thought it would be.

When my family arrived in Boston for commencement weekend just last weekend, my dad asked me how I envisioned my first few weeks at home.

"I'll probably cry hysterically all the way home. Sleep for two days straight. Slip into a state of deep depression for about two weeks and then finally pull myself together and move on."

Surprisingly, my prediction has not come to fruition. I cried a little on the way drive home. I slept most of the way, slashing about 10 hours of the required catch-up-sleep-time from my schedule. I haven't hit the deep depression, which is the biggest shock. I thought that was a sure bet. I'm sure it's on its way. 

Once I finish season one of True Blood (which will happen tonight) and finish unpacking my life (which will not happen soon) and my family has moved on with their normal lives (which will be after the long weekend)... then I'll crawl into a dark hole for a little while.

Until then, my sole job is to shield my father from internet predators. 

I am seriously worried. 

In the car on the drive home, my dad confessed his recent addiction to online Hearts. Michael has discovered chat rooms, people. That's right. After describing the concept of an avatar (even though, to his shock, I informed him I know what an avatar is) he shared a recent experiement he's been conducting.

My father has a genderless AOL screen name. He realized that you can customize your avatar with various features. Always one to fuck with people, dad decided to make his avatar a woman. He has taken great pleasure in fooling Hearts chatroom frequenters across the nation. 

People respond differently, he told me. Men generally don't take kindly to being beaten by a room full of women. My father, one of three "women" in a chatroom with one man, chuckled softly to himself as the man typed his frustration at being beaten by women.

As if that's not bad enough. People are hitting on my father in these chat rooms. Some man asked him his age.

Sidenote: I took this opportunity to ask if anyone has A/S/L'd* him. I was comforted by his confusion. Apparently that's a generational thing that died in the 90s. I hope.

After being asked his age by a strange man, my father cleverly replied, "why do you want to know?" at which point the man left the chatroom. My father flailed his arms feeling victorious against the chatroom pervert.

It's strange that I find myself wanting to monitor my father's internet use for fear he will be taken advantage of. Although at this rate, he has all the makings of the next successful Chris Hansen. 

Parents these days.

*A/S/L = Age/Sex/Location